i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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