Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
