He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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