that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
