dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
