we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
