He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
