Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
