This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
