oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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