I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
