she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
