You surviving the open bar?
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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