It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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