I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
