something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
