I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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