Sry I called you an 8
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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