God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
