I am in a vortex of obligation.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think my moral compass just broke
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
