Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize