Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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