waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
