made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
