Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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