then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Duck Duck Cougar?
well you can't waste a boner
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
