My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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