so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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