Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
