it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
