even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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