It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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