NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
