I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She announced her abortion via fbk
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
