my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
