in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
