She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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