so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
