I can't breathe out the right side of my face
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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