I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
