You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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