My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
