; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
