You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize