tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I could make wine with my vomit
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
