everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
do nipples grow back?
Randomize