I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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