Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
