As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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