I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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