just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
