Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
