No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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