I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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