Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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