She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
