yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
