idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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