Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
