your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
