Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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