It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
