im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize