where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
