I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
