I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
