last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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