the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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