Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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