Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
