What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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