I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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