Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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