he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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