is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
