worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
